Therapy: Internal Family Systems (IFS) Model

CounselingMental Health
Written By Sharon Teuscher

I remember a time when I thought “going to therapy” meant that you went into a sterile office with a total stranger, somehow having to confess your life in the first few appointments, and you just kept talking as they stared at you in silence with their little notebook - giving you small bits of reassurance as you went. To me it meant something superficial. Trying to convince someone you were capable.

Maybe that’s what I imagined, because sometimes, and for some people, that’s all it is.

I can’t argue with people who have had unfortunate experiences with therapists. It’s not a one size fits all solution. Most people don’t know what to look for, what they need, where to start, or what they’re really supposed to be getting out of their time with a counselor.

I didn’t. Not 100%. Not really. But, I was desperate.

So, like any good millennial, I took to utilizing an Instagram question to ask for recommendations for a therapist in my area who wasn’t solely clinical. I wanted more; something more holistic.

I ended up meeting with, and sticking with, a counselor who specializes in various treatment modalities; from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), the Internal Family Systems (IFS) Model, Eye Movement Desensitizing and Reprocessing (EMDR), Meditation and Mindfulness, Yoga and more.

What I want to talk about is how much IFS has helped me in my own healing journey.

So, what is the IFS Model, and how can it help?

IFS Therapy is relatively new, and was developed in the 1990’s by family therapist Richard Schwartz, Ph.D., and can be used to treat a variety of conditions including depression, anxiety, phobias and panic disorders. The major goal of this therapeutic method is to achieve balance within the internal system, and to differentiate and elevate the Self so it can be an effective leader.

According to the IFS Institute, The basis of the treatment revolves around the concept that you are comprised of four major parts. Self + three major sub-personalities.

➀ SELF - The essence of who you are.

  • Self should lead the internal system. The goal of IFS Therapy is to help to balance the internal system so that Self can be an effective leader and gain the trust of the sub-personalities.

➁ EXILES - Wounded and suppressed parts.

  • Exiles are often times younger parts that have endured or experienced trauma.

  • Their goal is to protect the individual from feeling emotions such as pain, fear, hurt, etc.

  • Exiles can often leave the individual feeling fragile, vulnerable or incapable.

➂ MANAGERS - Protective parts that keep the exiled parts suppressed.

  • Managers do their best to help the day-to-day run smoothly.

  • Their goal is to keep the individual in control in an effort to protect the other parts from feeling rejected or hurt.

  • Managers can be responsible for shoving Exiles into a closet, locked away in an effort to protect Self from feeling unwanted emotions. This can often exacerbate the Exiles hurt.

➃ FIREFIGHTERS - Additional protective parts that distract and put out the fires from the exiled, wounded parts.

  • Firefighters are a group of parts that react when Exiles are activated.

  • Their goal is to try and control or eliminate their feelings. These feelings feel extreme and unwanted.

  • Firefighters do this in a variety of ways, from drug/alcohol usage, self-mutilation, and other extreme comfort behaviors such as food or sex binges.

The goal of the Managers and Firefighters is the same - keep the Exiles away - though, their tactics are quite different.

Read more on this here.

How the IFS Model worked for me

As someone who learns and works creatively, I like to think about IFS like I have little people that live in my head. Now that I’ve been working with these parts for a little while, I know each of their energies and appearance uniquely.

The goal of ALL of these parts is to protect and care for me in the ways they know how.

The thing is, the only part that is intelligent and capable enough to do this best, is Self. But most of us have unresolved wounds and triggers that our parts have learned to deal with in their own - often extreme - ways.

When I first started in counseling, I struggled a lot with dissociation and extreme compartmentalization to protect me from even recognizing that I had depression, or from dealing with a lot of past emotional trauma I’d held onto.

I think the root of the dissociation was a very loud Exile, trying to fight its way out, while the compartmentalization was, and still is, a very high-functioning Manager.

My dissociative part (I started referring to it as a part because at the time it was so blended with Self that I couldn’t access anything, or discover, much less work with, any other parts) has a very intense, exhausting energy. It shows up like a void. Like a shapeless Dementor. Its heavy and frankly scary.

As my counselor and I learned about this part, she helped me create a dialogue with the part that went a little something like this:

“Hi there. I see you. I recognize you. I want to thank you for trying so very hard to protect me from whatever it is you’re concealing. You’re doing such a good job.

But, do you think that you would be open to relaxing, even just a little bit, so that we can learn more about you? And, maybe learn a little bit about what feels so scary? If at any point you feel unsafe, we can stop and try again next time.”

We built a relationship with my dissociative part. In time, and with my counselor’s help, this exiled part has learned to trust me / Self, and that I’m stronger, safer, and have the support to work through pain more productively, now.

I have a about three or four parts that I’ve gotten to know so far.

Some of them are healthy, and some of them aren’t. Some look like people, some don’t. One is a child - wounded. Another is the epitome of freedom and light. She dances. She smiles. I want to know her better. One is angry and overcompensates to protect my inherent tender nature.

IFS has been revolutionary for me. It’s given me a way to have a better relationship with myself that leads, always, with compassion and a desire for understanding. It’s also helped tremendously as a way to understand my triggers better and be able to pause and look within.

At the end of the day, all we can do is continue learning, learning, learning. But I wanted to talk about this therapy specifically because I had no idea it even existed before meeting my counselor! And, I think at the very least, if you’re looking for a counselor or just doing some research in that regard, it’s interesting to learn about all of the ways you can get to know yourself. And nowadays there are so many!

Sharon Teuscher
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Finding my way into therapy - The backstory.