She’s a Part of Me I Got to Know in Therapy

She’s a part* that I got to know in therapy.

She’s a dancer. Beautiful, whimsical, happy, light and free. And in many ways when I see her, I know she’s the very essence of me.

But, I don’t see her often. Which is incredibly sad to me. She’s a part that’s been put down and consistently scolded by other more managerial parts. These other parts don’t let her out, I think, in part because they’re afraid of her. They’re afraid of what she’ll do to me.

She doesn’t overthink, strategize or analyze. She’s incredibly impulsive. The last time I saw her / and blended entirely with her / was in my early 20’s. One of the most simultaneously disastrous and happiest times of my entire life. I said YES to absolutely everything. Even things I shouldn’t have said yes to. I shut off absolutely EVERY feeling other than elation and gratification.

I accumulated a lot of debt, ruined friendships due to my frankly selfish behavior at times, and lent my body out like it was a commodity.

So - yeah. She’s all these amazing things, but she’s also a little extreme as you can gather.

What I think is that she’s one of my firefighter parts that has become somewhat of an exile. Which is why my manager parts are so extreme with her. She’s a two-fold threat.

At my core (and as a Gemini / ENFP / Enneagram type 7) my inherent nature, and happiness driver comes from freedom and the ability to experience everything life has to offer.

But growing up makes that hard. “Responsibility” becomes a life-driver. And somehow for me that’s a dream-killer.

At the end of the day I’m working incredibly hard to figure out what BALANCE means for me. Not skewed by anyone’s expectations, or my own influences or preconceived notions.

Balance = freedom. You can, in fact, have it all.

I needed this reminder today.

◠◟◞◠◟◞◠◟◞◠◟◞◠◟◞◠◟◞◠

*Parts refer to a component of IFS Therapy, not to be confused with a conversation around DID. Go here for more info on IFS Therapy.